Seeing Some Family

The last two weeks at work have been a total bore. It's times like these that I wish they would just let me stay, or better yet- let me "work" from home. I have been waiting for a chance to learn how to use the CNC milling machine at work and I talked with the machinist and got the okay to use the key. Tomorrow for half a day, I have a chance to get good at this.

I am really glad I have some friends to chat with during times of boredom. I always feel a little frantic and worried when I don't really have stuff to work on. Maybe it is because I haven't been at it for 20 years or so. Technically, I have only been working on and off since college which was about 6 years ago. But a majority of it is the loss of purpose. It makes me think about other things I haven't done, and things I haven't taken a chance on. It makes me miss the people who know me best and it makes me want to seek their guidance and reassurance. I think the older we get the better we are at pretending and masking things about ourselves from people. Maybe it is important to be reminded of who you were before you started changing? Maybe it is like knowing someone's true heart and mind before they started covering it up?

I have been counting the days till I go to LA. I am hoping that seeing my brothers for a while and being back in sunny California will be therapeutic for me. It's strange, but at this stage of my life, I feel like I need to go out there and meet more people and make some more new friends. There is the possibility that two friends I have here in Chicago, won't be here in a couple of months. Despite the fact that I don't really see them that often, I still felt connected. Moving away will sever that connection. I guess I can't be too sad about it, because I would have to pick up and leave just like them if I were changing jobs, or something more important came along that I had to follow and see to the end.

If you're the movie star of your own life, then I think the cast in my life is changing. The old cast are now just guest stars that I see every once in a long while. I guess this is like an audition for new actors in the story of my life. What will the new season be about?