As I mentioned before, I went to a wedding in LA for my mom's cousin. It was pretty crazy in so many ways. It brought back a lot of memories, reunions, and some things to think about. There's always a mixed bag of feelings whenever I go see family. I feel excited, anxious, happy, sad- basically a crap ton of feelings. And, there are always pleasant and unpleasant things that come up around them.
THE PLEASANT
I got to spend time with my brothers! I miss them so much and think about them a lot no matter where I am. I wonder a lot if they think about me too? I don't have a lot of memories with them as I got older so it was good to see them all grown up and doing well in LA. There was one night where we were all in one room doing our own thing, and yet, it felt really amazing. It was just their presence that made all the difference! I miss times like those. Silent companionship! For an introvert, I get energy from their presence without having to directly interact.
I saw my cousin Joyce who I used to write letters with when I was a little girl. The last time I saw her was in middle school. She has two kids now, and I follow her blog about her boys who are 4 and 6. I read that one of them liked coloring so I am now inspired to make coloring pages for them. I wish I was able to connect with her kids at the wedding, but I am just as shy as they are, so it didn't really work. Haha. Apparently, adults don't always know how to approach children.
I met a lot of relatives I have seen maybe once or twice as a kid. They now have the next generation of children ranging from infant to 10 year olds. I asked them what it was like to raise kids and a lot of them talked about how they realized it was more important to spend time with them when they are little, otherwise it is very difficult to have a relationship with them.
I got to see Dani and Justin. The last time I saw them was back in college. Justin was my favorite cousin because he liked to draw, so when we were kids, we used to draw together a lot. We drew a little bit in LA and talked about our old cartoon characters.
The UNPLEASANT
The history is always a bit unpleasant when it comes up somehow. A lot of it is miscommunication or a lack of communication that makes people think certain things about each other. I learned that my family has difficulties communicating good intentions and that it is actually very difficult to know whether you can share the good intentions of one towards the other. Good intentions are, however, just good intentions. Sometimes, nothing happens when there is no follow through. My brother had this misconception that my sister went off to Europe and doesn't care about anyone but herself. The funny thing is she never went. He just thought she did even though he didn't speak with her. I communicate regularly with my sister, so I told him that I know for a fact it never happened, and that she had mentioned taking our mom to Europe for vacation. I don't know about my brother's misconception of my dad, but I always remembered how difficult a time my dad had with the strong-willed children in the family. Although it sounds like he hated my dad, I told him that our father wants to help him out when he wants to go back to school for his masters and that he has kept the talk of his death away from them, so they didn't have to worry, and left that to me. He thought about making sure the boys would be okay if he passed away. Unfortunately, these are all just words so I always worry about saying something that they aren't suppose to know. I did hope that it would give them some insight, change some of their feelings and misconceptions, and foster understanding for each other.
After letting things go down the dark path for a bit, I navigated it more towards remembering the good times we spent together. My favorite thing to ask my siblings is what they remember about growing up. We talked about video games, sticking blankets into our pants so we can play fox/raccoon/skunk family, our imaginary stuffed animal children, and creating our own carnival at home for our toys. I then proceeded to telling my brother that I missed him a lot and think about all of them all the time. That was probably the hardest thing to say because I didn't know how well they would take it.
With that said, the last thing I mentioned was a sibling reunion on neutral grounds in Chicago. I may not talk a lot of with my brothers, but I never really had a falling out with them. I also am on pretty good terms with my sister. This sibling reunion was something I always dreamed about after college, and it might actually be possible. They are open to the idea of coming out in November when their other sister does.
UNFORTUNATELY
Unfortunately I have no pictures. Why the hell did I bring a camera?! Well, I always thought that if people were taking a ton of pictures, at some point, they will email it or put it on facebook. Guess I was wrong.
But, I am starting to spend more time drawing so here are some pictures of my art! These are color tests for the pages I am making for the little boys I mentioned earlier.
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